IN SEARCH OF LOVE AFTER REBELLION
Since the beginning, man has had the opportunities of rebellion for which seeds were embedded deep in his heart and soul, or you can also say, within his conscience mind and subconscious mind. God not only allowed it, He put it there. The very first man, Adam, chose to exercise his will of this rebellious nature, and separated himself from those long, cool evening walks with God in the Garden. Then he and his wife were evicted forever, and set out to make their way in the world. They began a family, and the seeds of evil deeds were propagated.
The way I see it, God desired to make man in His image, with feelings and the capacity to love with passion, to hate equally as strong, and to choose righteousness or rebellion. Of course, He wants us to choose righteousness that we may have long lives in this world, and of course in the world to come. But there is a reason He made us with these choices, and gave us opportunity to fail. I’m sure God has a multitude of reasons why He designed things as they are, but the one He’s laid on my heart for many years now, is as follows:
God had created his angels long before Genesis. We know this because of His telling about the angels, and the head angel, Lucifer, had gotten jealous of God’s authority and instigated a rebellion of his own. I have yet to figure how in the world this bad angel could convince others to follow him, after they’d basked in the glorious presence of the Almighty, but he is the deceiver. Once an angel falls – there is no salvation for them. No turning back. I think that would seem fair, considering their station in the celestial town, and in the eternal Presence of God; you would think they could stay “sin-free.” Ah, but man couldn’t do it, either.
The angels praise God, give Him glory, and do His bidding every day for eternity. Somehow, God was still missing something: you and me. He wants a family relationship. Our Father IS the holy and sin-free Almighty Creator of all things, and He wants to be with us, but is unable to relate to us directly in our present state of unholy humanity. And so, our Father had a plan, and nothing we can do or say, could ever change the facts, or even surprise Him. Truly, “there is nothing new under the sun,” as the Bible says. But God is very active in the daily lives of His creations. Like a good parent, He stays silent and lets us mess up all we want. Then when we come to the end of our rope, and our mistakes make us sick of life, He is there, ready to change and mold us. He directs the paths of those who allow it, and guides us back toward Him, always forgiving, always loving us. He goes to great lengths to save us from ourselves over and over again.
But then – the time comes when we are faced with truths that we cannot deny: GOD IS. It’s at that point we decide whether to live for ourselves, or run to our Almighty Creator and find reasons and purpose for the utterly immortal lives we live. We all must eventually come to the conclusion that, this can’t be “it.” There has to be a “reason” for my life, and for the things that happen. At some point in our lives, when the hand of Almighty God moves us, intervenes in our lives in ways that cannot be explained with logic or reason that He takes it upon Himself to single us out and call or draw us to come and walk with Him. I reached that point at a very early age, but I got lost a few times along the way.
Looking back now, I see the very specific ways in my life, where God did intervene in my life, to set me back where I started. The side roads that entrapped me were the paths that caused me great pain in my life, including mental and emotional, physical and even spiritual pain. But at the times God moved on my behalf — I would’ve forever destroyed my own life, if it weren’t for Him. I can see in the past where, when my prayers weren’t answered, it was surely the right thing at those times. Sometimes we just get so bogged down with the ‘stuff’ of life that we don’t see all the tangled, sticky messes that we’ve created. When we pray for God’s blessing in the web of our own creation, He can’t bless that. Many times He can’t even work in our lives until we give up some of our attitude and selfishness long enough to let Him do something.
One time in particular, while serving in the military and a single mom, too, and after having just gone through a second divorce, I was far from home and family, mostly alone and dating another soldier whom I thought was Mr. Wonderful. I thought he was the ‘right one.’ I prayed my heart out for things to work out. I did a lot of crying and stressing, and my suffering was seemingly endless until, finally I learned to not pray like that. In fact, it was childish! No matter how hard we try, we just can’t make the wrong person in to the right one. I still had not learned that lesson at that time, after messing that up — twice. At this point in life, it wasn’t just my life, either, but my children’s. Something had to give.
A child asks, even begs for what he or she wants, and in the immaturity of that stage in life, they may even throw a tantrum. That was my tantrum. I was under a huge load of baggage, and in a place where I couldn’t see or feel the love of God. He was there all along, but I was wrapped in a web of destruction and headed down a very long road, taking all the wrong turns. The opportunities for better directions did arise, but I always took the wrong ones. At that point in my life, I no longer trusted myself to make good decisions.
At the end of my rope, I went in to a nearby church looking for help. I was sick and tired of making mistakes. It was my fault that I didn’t do what I knew was right. I didn’t seek God’s approval, I chose to date people that ‘seemed’ right, or ‘looked’ a certain way. Many, many folks today make that same mistake. Some say, “Well, I can’t date someone that I’m not attracted to!” But in my experience, I learned that getting to know the heart of a person makes them more (or in some cases, less!) attractive. The face of a man or woman has very little to do with his or her ability for building a long-lasting and happy life together, and whether or not he is capable of warmth, understanding, and having relationship skills needed to build a great family. Isn’t that what we seek in a lifetime partner?
Well, soon after I gave up on myself, God picked me up, dusted me off, and sent me to a really faraway place, where I found what I needed and was searching for all that time. Stay tuned and visit my blogs again! But before you go, please let me give a blessing to you: May the Lord bless you and keep you, May He make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; May He lift up His countenance and give you Peace. Thank you for reading this.
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